Oh For Blogs Sake

blog

noun \ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\

: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer; also : the contents of such a site

— blog verb

This is Webster's definition of a blog. Funny I always thought of a blog as a noun, but it makes total sense as a verb. My blog is my personal journal that I choose to share. I document anger, sadness, happiness and everyday life events. The GREAT thing about a blog is that I have the choice to write what I want and readers have the choice to read it. I am a very honest person. I don't write only what I want other people to think of me, I write the truth. Because in the end, this blog is for me and no one else.

And so life goes on.....

George went out of town to Philadelphia at the last minute on Friday. He didn't have a ticket until Thursday and we were sure he wasn't going to go. Thanks to a guardian angel who used their frequent flyer points he was able to go. I can't even express how grateful we are for that. Even though most of his players couldn't end up coming at the last minute because they were flying stand by, he really had a great experience. This is his dream. He came home on Sunday talking non stop about how wonderful it was to play rugby league again. I'm happy he got to take a break from work and the stress of life and have some "him" time. He deserved it. Now...it's my turn! Just kidding. If you haven't added Utah Avalanche, his rugby team, do it! We want to make the masses aware.

We really did miss him. We filled our days with junk food and going out to eat. I bought the girls new sandals and clothes. Weird that the house was cleaner and the kids were on schedules. I'm not saying he detours any of that, it was just that I suddenly had more time so I could get it together a little.

Monday, we went to Kung Fu Panda 2. It was a very cute movie and Tati loved it. About halfway, Alilia poured a large cup of sprite over the top of her head and continued to slap her wet clothes and laugh the rest of the movie. I was a little less than pleased. I keep thinking she will eventually be good in movies but we have yet to see that day. She is such a firecracker.

Today, I am waiting for the dry waller to come rip all the sheet rock out of our upstairs guest bathroom. Turns out we had (have?) a leak in our roof which has trickled down to that bathroom and rotted that drywall out. Fun, huh? OH yeah and our basement flooded twice last week. Pictures, clothes, keepsakes destroyed. GOOD TIMES! Who knew buying a brand new townhouse would have so many problems? And the guy is two hours late. I'm just taking it one breath a time.

On a bright note, I am looking outside and the sky is blue. It was suppose to rain and storm today. Maybe the Lord is giving me a present? I love this sun. I foresee lots of park days this week. Maybe a trip up to the canyon to bonfire. Summer is getting here and I am waiting patiently.

St. George! NOT!

I'm upset. And angry. Let me begin....

When we lived in Salt Lake I really felt like we had a great group of solid friends. Friends I could count on and call if I needed something. I seriously didn't think that moving 25 miles would make a huge difference. When we moved, within weeks, I realized that my most of my friends couldn't even be bothered to even pick up the phone. EVEN though I continually made effort after effort with them. Visiting them in the hospital. Driving to blessings. Calling to invite to movies, dinner, etc. DRIVING multiple times to them. Inviting them to my daughter's party even though they never invited her to theirs. Blah, blah, blah. My husband crossed them off ages ago. He knew it wasn't worth the effort. I, however, kept making an effort and trying. SO AM I OFFENDED WHEN I HEAR YOU MAKING PLANS FOR MEMORIAL DAY AT MY DAUGHTER'S PARTY AND ASKING OTHER PEOPLE THERE TO GO? Hell YES! I seriously tried to put it out of my mind. Maybe they were going to tell me when I wasn't so busy with the party? WRONG. I mean what kind of bull shit is that?

It is just interesting that when I actually NEEDED these people they have bailed. I would have gladly done anything for them. I really considered them close to family. I would have let any of them move in with us if something happened. I would have watched any of their kids anytime. Loaned them money. Offered emotional support. I was just crazy to expect the same!

So, "friends" have fun in St. George!

And thanks to my real friends who continue to make the effort and are great friends to me even though we live 25 miles apart. You know I love you.

Our

I was watching these kids the other day for a neighbor when their big brother came to pick them up. They were very excited to see their brother home from school. Tatiana standing at the door as they were leaving yelled to them, " Hey! I have a brother!" (I assumed she was talking about this bubster in my belly.) The boy said, " Oh where is he?" Tatiana replied," With Jesus. His name is Alan. He is an angel." I was so incredibly proud of her in that moment.


For those of you who don't know, Alan is our first son. George had Alan when he was seventeen. The relationship with Alan's mother didn't last, considering she was twenty-four. I try to choose my words carefully when I talk about her. She took him without George's permission and went to a different country. There are mixed stories about what happened during that time but I have heard that my sweet Alan was beat many times by her boyfriend till she finally left him at her parents back in Australia. George had many lawyers and detectives looking for his son and when word got back to him his son was back in Australia he immediately began his fight for custody. The courts gave him full custody. George got to spend a few short years with his son before he became ill with cancer. His birthmother never came to visit him. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer and the doctors said it was most likely from the years of being beat. Sweet Alan died at nine years old in 1999. I didn't know George then and it hurts my heart to think of him at this time.


When we were sealed in the temple I received the blessing of being sealed to Alan. I could feel his spirit so strong around me. When my girls were born each one of them looked so much like him. He and Alilia have a special bond. I will share that story another time. We look at his pictures a lot, talk about him and pray for him. I wasn't sure until the other day that Tatiana understood.


I never understood this woman who let this happen to her son and wasn't there for him in his last days. My MIL told me she had heard she was dying of cancer recently.

I love and am grateful to know our family has it's own personal gaurdian angel to watch over us. I know he is telling his little brother all about our little family and the love he has for us.

Neither here nor there

Yesterday was the best night! It was warm and we barbecued and ate as a family outside. I got to read a book and sit on my new lounge. We looked at the stars and yelled at the airplanes to take us to Hawaii or Australia. The kids were in heaven. Really, I was in heaven. I feel like this weather has forced us to stay inside for so long. I hate being pregnant and stuck at home. It only makes me feel more sick.

On another note, can I just say I think it is rude when people organize a playgroup with the intent to exclude others. I feel like I have moved into high school ville. This is our second summer here and both last summer and this summer people have excluded us from playgroups. I could really care less for myself, but when Tatiana starts asking me why, then it really boils my blood. Seriously, a girl at church leaned across me to invite my friend next to me to her playgroup. I could say a few choice words here but I won't I will just say this is ridiculous! I've been pretty nice so far but I am getting tired of this krap.

Our family has had a really hard couple of months but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I decided to temporarily withdraw from school until after I have this baby and the amount of stress it has taken off is huge. We have found some options to help pay for this baby. ( Thank you Obama! You know I love you!) It is still going to cost us thousands but at least not 13 thousand on our own.

Summer holds lots of opportunities.

This Mother

There is so much for me to post about. Tatiana's fourth birthday, her party, soccer and the list goes on. I will sometime I promise. Lately, I have had some really dark days. I feel like a black cloud has followed me around everywhere making it hard to even get out of bed some days. The financial stress, nonexistent insurance, father-in-laws shaking health, dread of school all compounded with that this pregnancy has suddenly taken everything out of me. I am so hormonally imbalanced and exhausted all the time. My one year old is like a roaring tornado that causes havoc and mess everywhere her adorable feet set down. I just can't keep up with her or her messes. And so my house is a disaster. And it is going to stay that way. And this morning as I had lost it on her for the 100th time because she dumped her whole bowl of cocoa puffs on the floor I decided to take a time out and look on facebook. I had just finished asking her," why do you have to be so naughty? Can't you cut me some slack right now? Mommy is just so tired!", when I came upon a blog post someone put up on facebook. Curious, I clicked on it. I invite you to read it too. Let me tell you I was sobbing so hard and my girls were all over me comforting me and worried. Alilia kept saying," I'm sorry Mom. I'm sorry." All I could do was hug them and tell them how lucky I am to be their mommy and how much I love them.

http://dennyandwendy.blogspot.com/2011/05/our-sweet-wendy.html

Me...Better

I've got a confession. I've been doing something really bad lately. Comparing myself to others. And it has only made me feel really bad about myself. Let me explain. I love to read these amazing blogs I follow. These women are superheroes. They are amazing parents, take amazing photos, serve dinner to their husbands every night, have a house that is always clean and still find all the time in the world to create fabulous crafts and blog about it. I however, spend too much time reading their blogs, have a messy house, yell at my children and serve Mac and Cheese on a good night. But I bet these women are more like me than they like to admit. It is such a funny world being a woman, especially an LDS one. We place these standards on ourselves that are outrageous. We put a front up that every little thing in our world is perfect. I feel this pressure so much living in Utah, and a million times more living in Utah County. Own the perfect house, own a car that isn't older than 5 years, perfectly behaved children, world renown chef, all while looking like a super model. RRRRRRRRRRR.....wrong. I fall into this from time to time and I have to catch myself. I am a horrible housekeeper. I'm pretty good at cooking but the honest truth is I am way too exhausted and we are way too poor. I'm irritable and impatient, especially being pregnant. We have money problems. We don't have health insurance. We regret moving and feel stuck. We are scared about our unstable future. I have no motivation to go back to school and am thinking about dropping out for a year. Life is hard and I don't mind sharing that with people. I'm human.

BBBBBut.... I am motivated to do better. I'm not going to keep the TV on all day for my kids. I'm going to clean one room a day. I will cook one fabulous meal a week. I will rock my husband's world at least two nights a week (seriously, I put that in here). I will prepare this baby boy's room who I so dearly want and can't wait to hold. We (joint effort) will organize our bills and figure out an additional source of income. I will figure out this whole insurance thing. I will spend quality one on one time with my creative, hilarious children. I will dedicate one night to sewing/crafting/movies/shopping pretty much me night. Most importantly, I will keep smiling.

Junior