The here and now

Have you ever felt like literally allergic to your blog? I just can't even stand the sight of it these days. My camera cord is lost so I can't post pictures and it ends up giving me guilt and anxiety that I'm not documenting my family's moments.

So here are a few short facts to get updated:

Mosa: I'm so obsessed with this little guy. At five weeks he weighs a whopping twelve pounds! He's gained a pound a week. He has rolls on his thighs and the back of his neck and I want to eat it all! He is my first baby who hasn't slept through the night so this is an adjustment to me. He wakes up every two hours to eat and nurses for almost an hour. I'm hoping this end soon. very soon. He is still on his lung and heart monitors for two more weeks at least. I think it depressed me to find out he had to stay on them because I associate it with him being unhealthy but the truth is he is doing great. He has re-flux which I'm so hoping he will grow out of. He is such a happy and content little boy but I can tell when he is struggling with the re-flux because he thrashes around and groans. Breaks my heart. I am so grateful for him. I almost cry every time I think about him growing up. He is such a blessing to us.

Alilia: She has been amazing as an older sister. She is patient and so loving to her little brother. I thought we would be dealing with jealousy but that is not the case at all. She has a special high pitched voice she uses when she talks to him and it makes me laugh because she is still a baby to me. She asks me everyday if she can start school yet and if I will buy her a backpack. She wants to be able to do everything. She is so dang smart. We are working on potty training. I cherish every moment she will cuddle with me.

Tatiana: My baby is growing up. She loves preschool and her teacher. She is loving this age where she can play with her friends. She loves Justin Beiber and is going to marry him. She is so loving. She's going through a stage where I can tell she really wants to please me. She also is testing her limits though. I think it is an attention thing and George and I need to make sure she is getting enough. I adore her and how she give her heart out so freely.

George and I are just adjusting to having three kids. I would love for him to find a job that appreciates him more and pays more. Mostly, I just want him to be happy. I'm back to doing hair and crossing the little kiddos. Besides the lack of sleep I really haven't found that three is that much harder than two. (knock on wood) I love that I can look in my rear view mirror and she three chubby brown haired babies smiling back at me. I love our little family.

Thank You Big Time!

September is over and I couldn't be more happy! It was a long, hard month for us. I really am so grateful to the people who have helped us out so much. We were so lucky to have neighbors bring us dinners and watch the girls and give them rides. I hate asking people for help. HATE IT. So I am so grateful to the people who just did it. Our niece, Ilana, helped us out so much and I could never express how grateful I am for taking the girls over night and letting us spend that time with our little baby. She has been amazing and such a support. People are wonderful and I hope they know that!

Mosa in the house

My son is finally here. After a month of having contractions, they decided to deliver me at 37 weeks. Mosa'ati Mohekonokono Tupou was born September 29th at 1:28pm. He was our little guy weighing in at 7 pounds, 6 ounces and 19 inches. I seriously laughed when they told me how small he was. I could have sworn he weighed like 20 pounds in my belly. Because of the stress of the contractions, his lungs were not fully developed. I barely saw him for a second after my c-section before they wisked him away. I kept asking for him and George would just tell me he was fine and getting a bath and all the normal stuff. Finally, after 5 hours the doctor came in to tell me about his lungs and that his heart had stopped a few times and that he had to be in the NICU with constant monitors on. I really was in shock. I hadn't expected any complications considering both girls were born before 37 weeks and were perfectly fine. 11 hours after giving birth I finally got to touch and hold my son for the first time. It was such a strange experience to have people supervising you with your own son and for him to have a heart monitor, oxygen and all these things hooked up to him. He was in the NICU for a total of 6 days. I know many people have gone through this same situation if not worse, but this was really hard for me. I felt like I couldn't bond with him since I could only go in for feedings. I was worried he would forget my voice. The only way I really survived was that I was blessed with the kindest nurses in the whole world. My nurses were so awesome. They made my life a whole lot easier. Mosa's nurses were so kind and loving I felt good leaving him with them. I hope they all knew how truly grateful I was to them. We came home yesterday. He is on a monitor. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to take care of him and the girls. George had to go back to work today (grrr...) so I was just kind of thrown in the mix right away. It is only morning but I can say it has been really positive so far. Mosa only woke up once at 3 to eat and then at 8. His monitor hasn't gone off. I have held and kissed and cuddled him to my heart's content. He couldn't be more perfect. I am so in awe of what a precious little human being he is. The girls have been great. Tati loves to "coo" him and mommy him. Mostly she is just glad her mommy is home. When the nurses would ask if she was here to see her little brother she would matter -of -factually tell them, "No, I'm here to see my mommy. She's my best friend." Alilia had been really good too. I was worried. She always asks were baby Mosa is, sometimes forgetting and calling him baby George. She talks to him in a high pitched voice which I think is hilarious. And, she did miss me. She called me a few times at night and as soon as I would talk to her she would cry for me. She has been pretty amazing. I'm just so grateful for my little family. I love my girls even more with the birth of their little brother. God has blessed us so much.

Going Private....

I've decided to make the switch to private. If you would like an invite send me your email in a comment or at Tupoufamily@gmail.com . Thanks!

What a great weekend!

Saturday was George's 39th birthday and it couldn't have been more perfect. I made homemade egg mcmuffins and orange cinnamon rolls for breakfast. My sweet husband then let me take a nap while he took the kids to a rugby game. When they got home we all went swimming in the Lehi pool and it was so fun! We came home, showered and headed out to meet family for dinner at Chilli's. To end the night we skyped family in Australia and chatted for awhile. It was such a fun filled, peaceful day.

Sundays are the only day I actually get to follow my doctor's orders and rest the whole day. It is so great to just sleep the whole day. George takes the girls to church and takes care of them the whole day while me and bubba dream away. Glorious!

Today, Labor Day, was a great day as well. George golfed with some friends and then we had dinner at a friend's house. All I could do was sit around but it was good company and good food. Then I realized I needed to go buy Tatiana a notebook and some pencils for school tomorrow. When I came home my good friend Melanie came over with cupcakes and Dr. Pepper. My two favorite things:). It was great to catch up since I have been a hermit lately.

Tomorrow my baby starts preschool! This could be her second year but we opted not to do it last year. I'm sitting here thinking how much I going to miss Tatiana for the five hours she is going to be gone this week. She asked me if she could take a picture of me in her backpack so if she missed me she could pull it out and look at it. Could I love that girl anymore???? I just don't know if I'm ready for this day......

We are almost outnumbered....

Three more weeks people! Well, actually seven but if I can make it three than that will be good news. I went to the doctor's yesterday only to hear her say that I seriously need to be on bedrest. Bedrest meet my two kids? What? You don't like each other? Yeah, I didn't think so. I have been having bad contractions the past two weeks but I'm praying it will all work out in the end and my son can wait another three weeks. I'm so excited for him and yet not ready at the same time. We have been so consumed with passports/ paperwork/ plane tickets that we haven't even set up his crib or cradle yet. I finally packed some of my hospital bag the other night when my contractions were so strong. I was shoving stuff in there like a mad woman.

Alilia sprained her arm the other day. I have no idea how. She was playing in her room and started crying and when I came in she was stuck between the bunk beds and the wall. I pulled the bed out and she was free but she didn't move her arm for a whole day. This sounds really bad but I loved it. She wanted me to hold her all day and cuddle. Even the following days she was Mommy's girl. Usually she is all over Daddy so it was so nice to spend that time alone with her.

Tatiana has her preschool orientation tomorrow and her first day on the 7th. I feel like all the other kids have started already. I'm so excited for her. This is her first and only year since we didn't do it last year. I have yet to figure out my emotions on her growing up so fast. She started soccer again last week. I'm so happy because she has improved so much. She scored 3 goals her last game. She is doing great with her dribbling and kicking. Everytime, she scores a goal she jumps up and down doing fist pumps and yells to me, "I did it Mom!". I'm a little overjoyed:).

We have been spending lots of time on Skype talking to family in Australia. It's been so great to at least see them if it is only on the computer. My father in law has gotten so skinny. I just pray he stays alive until we get there. If you read this can you say a prayer for me too? My husband really needs to be able to see his father alive and spend some time with him.

?

True to our family, there is always a crisis going on. Awhile ago, George's dad got pneumonia and was hospitalized for 6 weeks. While draining his lungs they found cancer. He went on Chemo but his body was just too weak from the pneumonia that they had to take him off. The other night he became unconscious and was rushed to the hospital. His lung had collapsed. They basically told us he has less than a month to live. I'm having this baby in 4-6 weeks. We are waiting for George's renewal on his resident card. So we are stuck here in America for awhile. Which is heartbreaking since we want to be in Australia right now spending every minute we can with family. I've been a huge mess. The tears have been nonstop. My poor husband. He is trying so hard to be strong but I know he is just a wreck inside.

New Digs

I'm getting these babies delivered to my house in a few days! I'm quite excited. I have spent months reading reviews. I scraped every penny together from doing hair. I went back and forth stressing about deciding on a car seat. Finally I decided to go with the safest on the market and splurge a little. I figured this may be the last car seat we buy even if we have another after this. After numerous trips to BabysRUs I decided on this set and I'm so excited to get it in a couple days! Now all I need is my little bambino!

Recent musings

I watched my friend's adorable one year old twin girls while she was in the hospital having her little boy. They truly are usually the easiest kids ever except this time they had the flu and both had double earaches from the molars that were coming in. They had a fever of 103 and the ER said they couldn't treat them without their parents permission and my friend and her husband had their phones turned off. On top of that, they puked every two hours this black, horrible vomit. Oh what a night! Alilia then got it the next two days and Tatiana got it when she was all finished. It was horrid. Count your blessings we have been vomit free for three days. I was so exhausted I literally couldn't even get off the couch yesterday. Every drop of energy had been depleted from me. It also didn't help that our AC broke yesterday and won't be fixed till next week. One more complaint and then I will move on. Can everybody please stop talking about their money? I am so sick of hearing people brag about money and even MORE sick of everyone complaining how broke you are. EVERYONE is broke right now. It's not a competition where the winner is the person who can prove they are the poorest. The truth is I know plenty of people who have no food in their cupboards right now and they are the ones who complain the least.

Moving on....I am so grateful to be thirty weeks today! I had Tatiana at 37 and Alilia at 36. I just am going to try very hard to keep this little bub in for six more weeks. This means basically bed rest but with two kiddos that is not happening. The doctor says my iron and blood count is very low and I keep having to take these tests to check it. I've started taking prescription iron pills and supplements instead of the WalMart ones I was taking. Hopefully this improves my count. But besides feeling like I have no energy whatsoever, I feel pretty good. I only throw up every other day and I can handle that for two more months. I feel like having this baby boy is so close and I am so excited! I can't wait to hold him in my arms and kiss and cuddle him. I can't wait to smell his new baby smell. I can't wait to actually use all these WONDERFUL baby gifts people have brought me! I am so in love with all of the handmade stuff people made for my little bubby. For the next six to eight weeks I can take anything knowing that soon, very soon, my son that I prayed so hard for will be in my arms.

A Tipping reminder

I'm thinking some people need a refresher on this. Even though I do hair, nails and waxing out of my house this is my job! Lately, I have had a few people say they will tip me next time. Maybe I will leave a couple hairs longer till next time? Just kidding. I love all my clients but I do evaluate how much you appreciate me by how much you tip me:)

http://www.essortment.com/proper-tipping-etiquette-36840.html

Announcing the 2011 Halloween costumes of the Tupou Family....

I'm so excited! I finally found the kids Halloween costumes for this year. Drum roll please......

For the girls:

Cupcakes!!! I think one will be strawberry and the other chocolate:) both with sprinkles of course. I think I will make the top frosting part a little more puffy.

And for my little baby boy:

A cookie!!! How cute is this? I just have to make a tiny one for my baby that will be a few weeks old. I think I may only make the front part and glue it to a onesie.

Now what can the Mr. and I be? I was thinking he could be a glass of milk. What about me though? I have a few things up my sleeve but they don't coordinate with my little sweets. Now I just have to get to sewing before I have this munchkin. I love Halloween!

me encanta

It's 1:20 in the morning and I am gloriously looking at my laptop. Our power cord broke about a month ago so my internet experience was limited to a peek here and there. I really, really missed it. As I sit here experiencing braxton hicks and thinking about how I am dead at 9am church tomorrow I still happy as a clam catching up on all the what, when, where, and how. Also, Tati has a talk in primary and we have yet to write it. Let me just say......"It's good to be back"!

Pinterest lust

I'm consumed with Pinterest. Consumed! Do you know how wonderful it is? I wish I would have thought of this idea and made millions of dollars.....

More than half way....

22 weeks. HUGE. But feeling so blessed!

I love a parade.....

Our own little Saratoga Springs had a parade! It was really fun. I've never been so close to a parade. We had a few strange encounters with men in short shorts doing high kicks in our face....awkward much? It was a great day to start off the summer and I loved spending time with the family.

This time around

I thought maybe I should do the classic "this pregnancy" post. So here are some different and same things:

At week 21 I am still throwing up everyday, maybe twice. So I guess it will be this way until the day I deliver. People are nice and always tell me that they feel bad for me but the truth is it's kinds relieving. So many of my friends are having miscarriages, trying to adopt, can't get pregnant and everytime I throw up it is a realization of how lucky I am.

Just like his two big sisters, this boy favors my right side. By the end of my pregnancy my belly is so disproportional with my right side stretched out. Weird, huh?

I'm having a hard time buying boy clothes. I'm just drawn to girl clothes. I just don't want my son to look like every other boy out there. I want him to have some style, I'm just having a hard time finding it.

I feel attractive this pregnancy. I did with my first but felt like butt the second. I like my pregnancy glow and even though my body is HUGE, I like it. I've gotten a few cat calls and whistles so maybe others like it too???

I started taking iron during my pregnancy, instead of after and it has made a huge difference in my energy.

Although, I'm still irritable I really have a new found love for my existing children. I have a intensified feeling of mommyhood and can't believe how lucky I am to have such wonderful, adorable children. I am so in awe of the beauty of my daughters and lay in bed wondering what this little boy will look like.

I've decided that I want to take family pictures while I am pregnant. Crazy? Probably, but I know after this boy comes it changes the whole dynamics of our family so I want to document it now. Besides, like I said I like this preggo body.

The biggest difference is just realizing we are having a BOY! This is so new to me. I was in shock even the second time that little penis came up on the ultrasound. I keep worrying he is going to change into a girl. By the look of it, that's not going to happen.

yummy.....

My current hobby is looking up recipes for anything and everything. I've become a little obsessed with food this pregnancy. I mean just look at these amazing creations!

Three pats on my back...

1. Short one month of her second birthday, Alilia has decided to be potty trained. I really don't deserve a pat on the back because I had nothing to do with this, it was all her. But can I tell you how great it is to not have to clean poop up? I'm sure there will be some slip ups, but this girl is so stubborn I think she has decided she hates diapers and will be going on the potty from now on. Hip hip hooray!

2. Had a very productive day even though it is almost 4pm and I'm still in my pajamas. I conversed in Spanish the the landscapers, thanks to online English to Spanish translator, to cut the grass shorter and they did! I made phone calls I have been dreading and putting off (Lawyers, Doctors, insurance reps) and they all ended well. Cleaned my refridgerated out (sour cream expired two months ago!). Ran the dishwasher with THREE loads! Fed my kids a well balanced lunch (not the usual mickey nuggets) and gave them a nap.

3. Have filled up most of this month with hair appointments. We really need the money and I really love doing it. I constantly get referrals from clients I have already done and I appreciate that so much!

and now on to the laundry.....

ENJOY

This is a girl I went to hair school with. AND I'M SPEECHLESS........

http://youtu.be/bHT3moMvC4s

I can't figure out how to make this a link:( so copy and past in your URL

Oh For Blogs Sake

blog

noun \ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\

: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer; also : the contents of such a site

— blog verb

This is Webster's definition of a blog. Funny I always thought of a blog as a noun, but it makes total sense as a verb. My blog is my personal journal that I choose to share. I document anger, sadness, happiness and everyday life events. The GREAT thing about a blog is that I have the choice to write what I want and readers have the choice to read it. I am a very honest person. I don't write only what I want other people to think of me, I write the truth. Because in the end, this blog is for me and no one else.

And so life goes on.....

George went out of town to Philadelphia at the last minute on Friday. He didn't have a ticket until Thursday and we were sure he wasn't going to go. Thanks to a guardian angel who used their frequent flyer points he was able to go. I can't even express how grateful we are for that. Even though most of his players couldn't end up coming at the last minute because they were flying stand by, he really had a great experience. This is his dream. He came home on Sunday talking non stop about how wonderful it was to play rugby league again. I'm happy he got to take a break from work and the stress of life and have some "him" time. He deserved it. Now...it's my turn! Just kidding. If you haven't added Utah Avalanche, his rugby team, do it! We want to make the masses aware.

We really did miss him. We filled our days with junk food and going out to eat. I bought the girls new sandals and clothes. Weird that the house was cleaner and the kids were on schedules. I'm not saying he detours any of that, it was just that I suddenly had more time so I could get it together a little.

Monday, we went to Kung Fu Panda 2. It was a very cute movie and Tati loved it. About halfway, Alilia poured a large cup of sprite over the top of her head and continued to slap her wet clothes and laugh the rest of the movie. I was a little less than pleased. I keep thinking she will eventually be good in movies but we have yet to see that day. She is such a firecracker.

Today, I am waiting for the dry waller to come rip all the sheet rock out of our upstairs guest bathroom. Turns out we had (have?) a leak in our roof which has trickled down to that bathroom and rotted that drywall out. Fun, huh? OH yeah and our basement flooded twice last week. Pictures, clothes, keepsakes destroyed. GOOD TIMES! Who knew buying a brand new townhouse would have so many problems? And the guy is two hours late. I'm just taking it one breath a time.

On a bright note, I am looking outside and the sky is blue. It was suppose to rain and storm today. Maybe the Lord is giving me a present? I love this sun. I foresee lots of park days this week. Maybe a trip up to the canyon to bonfire. Summer is getting here and I am waiting patiently.

St. George! NOT!

I'm upset. And angry. Let me begin....

When we lived in Salt Lake I really felt like we had a great group of solid friends. Friends I could count on and call if I needed something. I seriously didn't think that moving 25 miles would make a huge difference. When we moved, within weeks, I realized that my most of my friends couldn't even be bothered to even pick up the phone. EVEN though I continually made effort after effort with them. Visiting them in the hospital. Driving to blessings. Calling to invite to movies, dinner, etc. DRIVING multiple times to them. Inviting them to my daughter's party even though they never invited her to theirs. Blah, blah, blah. My husband crossed them off ages ago. He knew it wasn't worth the effort. I, however, kept making an effort and trying. SO AM I OFFENDED WHEN I HEAR YOU MAKING PLANS FOR MEMORIAL DAY AT MY DAUGHTER'S PARTY AND ASKING OTHER PEOPLE THERE TO GO? Hell YES! I seriously tried to put it out of my mind. Maybe they were going to tell me when I wasn't so busy with the party? WRONG. I mean what kind of bull shit is that?

It is just interesting that when I actually NEEDED these people they have bailed. I would have gladly done anything for them. I really considered them close to family. I would have let any of them move in with us if something happened. I would have watched any of their kids anytime. Loaned them money. Offered emotional support. I was just crazy to expect the same!

So, "friends" have fun in St. George!

And thanks to my real friends who continue to make the effort and are great friends to me even though we live 25 miles apart. You know I love you.

Our

I was watching these kids the other day for a neighbor when their big brother came to pick them up. They were very excited to see their brother home from school. Tatiana standing at the door as they were leaving yelled to them, " Hey! I have a brother!" (I assumed she was talking about this bubster in my belly.) The boy said, " Oh where is he?" Tatiana replied," With Jesus. His name is Alan. He is an angel." I was so incredibly proud of her in that moment.


For those of you who don't know, Alan is our first son. George had Alan when he was seventeen. The relationship with Alan's mother didn't last, considering she was twenty-four. I try to choose my words carefully when I talk about her. She took him without George's permission and went to a different country. There are mixed stories about what happened during that time but I have heard that my sweet Alan was beat many times by her boyfriend till she finally left him at her parents back in Australia. George had many lawyers and detectives looking for his son and when word got back to him his son was back in Australia he immediately began his fight for custody. The courts gave him full custody. George got to spend a few short years with his son before he became ill with cancer. His birthmother never came to visit him. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer and the doctors said it was most likely from the years of being beat. Sweet Alan died at nine years old in 1999. I didn't know George then and it hurts my heart to think of him at this time.


When we were sealed in the temple I received the blessing of being sealed to Alan. I could feel his spirit so strong around me. When my girls were born each one of them looked so much like him. He and Alilia have a special bond. I will share that story another time. We look at his pictures a lot, talk about him and pray for him. I wasn't sure until the other day that Tatiana understood.


I never understood this woman who let this happen to her son and wasn't there for him in his last days. My MIL told me she had heard she was dying of cancer recently.

I love and am grateful to know our family has it's own personal gaurdian angel to watch over us. I know he is telling his little brother all about our little family and the love he has for us.

Neither here nor there

Yesterday was the best night! It was warm and we barbecued and ate as a family outside. I got to read a book and sit on my new lounge. We looked at the stars and yelled at the airplanes to take us to Hawaii or Australia. The kids were in heaven. Really, I was in heaven. I feel like this weather has forced us to stay inside for so long. I hate being pregnant and stuck at home. It only makes me feel more sick.

On another note, can I just say I think it is rude when people organize a playgroup with the intent to exclude others. I feel like I have moved into high school ville. This is our second summer here and both last summer and this summer people have excluded us from playgroups. I could really care less for myself, but when Tatiana starts asking me why, then it really boils my blood. Seriously, a girl at church leaned across me to invite my friend next to me to her playgroup. I could say a few choice words here but I won't I will just say this is ridiculous! I've been pretty nice so far but I am getting tired of this krap.

Our family has had a really hard couple of months but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I decided to temporarily withdraw from school until after I have this baby and the amount of stress it has taken off is huge. We have found some options to help pay for this baby. ( Thank you Obama! You know I love you!) It is still going to cost us thousands but at least not 13 thousand on our own.

Summer holds lots of opportunities.

This Mother

There is so much for me to post about. Tatiana's fourth birthday, her party, soccer and the list goes on. I will sometime I promise. Lately, I have had some really dark days. I feel like a black cloud has followed me around everywhere making it hard to even get out of bed some days. The financial stress, nonexistent insurance, father-in-laws shaking health, dread of school all compounded with that this pregnancy has suddenly taken everything out of me. I am so hormonally imbalanced and exhausted all the time. My one year old is like a roaring tornado that causes havoc and mess everywhere her adorable feet set down. I just can't keep up with her or her messes. And so my house is a disaster. And it is going to stay that way. And this morning as I had lost it on her for the 100th time because she dumped her whole bowl of cocoa puffs on the floor I decided to take a time out and look on facebook. I had just finished asking her," why do you have to be so naughty? Can't you cut me some slack right now? Mommy is just so tired!", when I came upon a blog post someone put up on facebook. Curious, I clicked on it. I invite you to read it too. Let me tell you I was sobbing so hard and my girls were all over me comforting me and worried. Alilia kept saying," I'm sorry Mom. I'm sorry." All I could do was hug them and tell them how lucky I am to be their mommy and how much I love them.

http://dennyandwendy.blogspot.com/2011/05/our-sweet-wendy.html

Me...Better

I've got a confession. I've been doing something really bad lately. Comparing myself to others. And it has only made me feel really bad about myself. Let me explain. I love to read these amazing blogs I follow. These women are superheroes. They are amazing parents, take amazing photos, serve dinner to their husbands every night, have a house that is always clean and still find all the time in the world to create fabulous crafts and blog about it. I however, spend too much time reading their blogs, have a messy house, yell at my children and serve Mac and Cheese on a good night. But I bet these women are more like me than they like to admit. It is such a funny world being a woman, especially an LDS one. We place these standards on ourselves that are outrageous. We put a front up that every little thing in our world is perfect. I feel this pressure so much living in Utah, and a million times more living in Utah County. Own the perfect house, own a car that isn't older than 5 years, perfectly behaved children, world renown chef, all while looking like a super model. RRRRRRRRRRR.....wrong. I fall into this from time to time and I have to catch myself. I am a horrible housekeeper. I'm pretty good at cooking but the honest truth is I am way too exhausted and we are way too poor. I'm irritable and impatient, especially being pregnant. We have money problems. We don't have health insurance. We regret moving and feel stuck. We are scared about our unstable future. I have no motivation to go back to school and am thinking about dropping out for a year. Life is hard and I don't mind sharing that with people. I'm human.

BBBBBut.... I am motivated to do better. I'm not going to keep the TV on all day for my kids. I'm going to clean one room a day. I will cook one fabulous meal a week. I will rock my husband's world at least two nights a week (seriously, I put that in here). I will prepare this baby boy's room who I so dearly want and can't wait to hold. We (joint effort) will organize our bills and figure out an additional source of income. I will figure out this whole insurance thing. I will spend quality one on one time with my creative, hilarious children. I will dedicate one night to sewing/crafting/movies/shopping pretty much me night. Most importantly, I will keep smiling.

Junior

It's a boy!

I'm getting my little boy! I went in for my ultrasound yesterday to find out how many babies where inside me. As soon as she put the screen up, she gasped (seriously) and then asked," Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" I didn't even have to answer because I already had tears in my eyes. It was clear there was only one baby and that little baby was making it very clear he was all boy. She laughed because she said I was only fourteen weeks and they usually aren't developed that clearly this early. That made George proud:). Honestly, all day yesterday and today I forget and then I remember and have to look at the pictures to see my little boy.

A brief history, I have always wanted a boy very bad. I love my girls so much. They are perfect and I wouldn't changed them for anything. I have always wanted to have "my boy" though. I would go to family/friend's son's football game and leave with tears in my eyes(no exaggeration!) because I just can't wait to be the ultra supportive mom of a little boy out on the field. I told George last night that our son is going to be an all star NFL player and one day he is going to hand me a black Amex card and say," Mommy (because he will still call me that), there is no limit. Go buy whatever you want!" HAHA Of course I am joking, kind of...! I really don't care if my son is a chess player, ballerina, or whatever his little heart takes him to. I just want to be his Mommy!

Weekend Recap

We had big plans this weekend. BIG plans! We were going to leave early Saturday morning and head down to the most beautiful place in Utah, San Pete County. George had a rugby game and I have some friends that live down there so we were going to stay the night and have some fun. I was excited to show George the Manti temple which is my personal favorite. I know it isn't a huge trip or anything but I was really looking forward to it. Cut to Friday, George is sick with the flu. The game was rescheduled. The trip was a no-go. We stayed home all Saturday watching movies while I played nurse, which is not my favorite role (I know I lack sympathy).

Then me and my best friend aka Tatiana decided we would go on a little date. We went to go see Rango. It was alright. But the best was having my big girl sit on my lap with her arm around the back of my neck telling me she was having so much fun. I kept thinking, This is exactly why I always wanted to be a Mom. I truly am so grateful to have two such wonderful kids. We went to Quizno's after for a little pizza and sandwiches. I kept laughing at her little comments.

When we got home Alilia screamed, "Mommy!" and ran to throw her arms around me. She has been my little shadow lately. My approach to be positive with her has worked so well. I am always telling her she is a good girl and in turn she is actually being a good girl. She loves to hold my hand and sit on my lap and cuddle for an hour our two with me. The girl wouldn't even give me a hug before! She showers me with kisses all the time now. I can hardly believe the change. I'm overwhelmed with the love of my family. They are just plain awesome. The fact that our family is getting bigger is just a bonus!

Cheers to today!

Yesterday was a day that goes down on the books forever. AS HORRIBLE! Tuesday night we got a phone call from Australia telling us some bad news. George's dad had been in the hospital the past two weeks with phenomena, which we knew. They had tried antibiotics and he wasn't getting better. In fact he was drowning to death with all the fluid in his lungs. So they had to operate and drain it out. We knew this already. Turns out when they were taking the 7 LITERS out of his lungs they found a cancerous tumor on top of his lungs. Because his body was so weak they said chemo would kill him and they didn't want to do another intrusive operation to remove it. So they weren't sure what they were going to do. I freaked out! I adore my father-in-law. We get each other and I enjoy spending time with him and hearing him tell me "I'm his favorite"(I'm sure he tells everyone that!). I slept maybe one hour that night just laying there freaking out. Most people who know me know my own parents are, well....hmmmm....well.... much more interested in themselves than anyone else. So when my in-laws finally came to visit it overwhelmed me on how wonderful they were! They truly were the family I had waited my whole life to have.

Anyways cue Wed. It started out with a doctor's visit which was stressful to get to. Luckily, a neighbor helped me out and watched the girls. The doctor was great. She is pregnant with her fifth child! SUPERWOMAN! I thought we would find out if it was twins or just one but she was concerned we were off our due date and since I tend to deliver early she wanted me to go to the "special" lab to get an ultrasound on Monday. She also told me that she was going to start me on steroid shots at 35 weeks. I never considered my early labor dangerous since my kids come out HUGE and are always healthy, but it did make me start worrying a little in the back of my mind. So I went home with a lot on my mind.

I had agreed to watch a friend's two kids while she took her other four to do some service. I hope if this friend reads this she is not offended with what I have to say. Long story short, while I was on the phone listening to my friend tell my of her miscarriage that day, the three year old went upstairs to my bathroom and took a nail polish. She then opened it and spilled PURPLE nail polish all over my carpet upstairs and all down the stairs and on multiple items of clothing. Clothing that was brand new with the tags still on. Like over a hundred dollars worth of clothing. And as for my carpet, I now have barney polka dots all over my one year old house that I have rubbed so hard the carpet fell out. Honestly, I would have rather lost a toe or finger. This was so traumatic for me. So, so traumatic! I know we won't have the money to replace our carpet for at least a year so I get to stare at these spots. The spots are about the size of a fist. Multiple fist spots. I think I could have dealt better if it was my child that did it. But my kids came running to tell me and never touched the polish. I think I would have dealt better if both of her kids didn't cry for the next forty minutes while I tried to call her and she didn't answer. I think I would have dealt better if when the Mom came in she didn't dismiss it by saying," If I had a dollar for every time she does something like that at my house"! No offer to pay for the clothing or carpet (which I would have refused but still appreciated). Nope, not much concern there. I'm still pretty chapped about it if you can't tell. I'm still sick down to my core as I throw away the brand new clothes. My kids would have gotten the beating of their lifetime!!!!!!! No joke there!

The day could not have gotten worse! But thankfully, I got a phone call that gave me light. My mother-in-law called to say when they went back to drain 5 MORE LITERS out of his lungs the tumor was gone. poof! no sign of it whatsoever. There were still cancer cells in the fluid that they drained so they need to figure out where that came from, but all in all this was terrific news! So, I am really trying to focus on the positive today. The girls and I are going to get some lunch and see if we can score something cute to redo at DI, maybe even check out the new Hobby Lobby. Yesterday is over and today is a present.

In a day

Yesterday an amazing thing happened! I found someone to watch my girls (major stress of my life) while I went to my first Dr's appointment. I have taken two weeks off of school so just driving alone in the car seemed odd. At first I stressed I was going to be late then, for the first time I started to get really excited to hear this little baby inside me. I haven't had even a moment to be excited. There is so much stress about money, insurance, blah blah blah that I haven't been able to focus on the happy part. Two of George's siblings have twins (both girls) and so do a few of his cousins so everytime I get pregnant it is in the back of my mind. The doctor's office was wonderful and friendly. The did say I was only 12 weeks, not 14. I guess I can't count? Then I shared my concern about multiple babies and they humored me and listened to the heartbeat. They did hear two heartbeats! But I guess the baby has a heartbeat and so does the placenta so there is a high chance that it is only one baby. I go back tomorrow and hopefully they do an ultrasound to find out for sure. I have a feeling that it is only one baby and kinda of have an inkling that it is an other girl. But guess what? That makes me excited! Just the thought of holding a precious little person, who smells wonderful and needs me so completely is thrilling! I feel so grateful!

On a side note, I have been having an extremely hard time with Alilia. If you tell her about the baby in Mommy's tummy she will scream and hit my belly as hard as she can. NO BUENO. I can tell she is having an issue with not getting enough attention. At 21 months she is so freaking smart! We have been fighting non stop until...... I stopped. I decided that instead of referring to her as my little "monster" I would tell her she was a good, nice girl. Instead of yelling when she punched and pinched Tatiana I calmly told her she was a nice girl and nice girls don't do that. It was amazing how all of the sudden my girl who doesn't like to sit still suddenly let me hold, hug and kiss her all day. Really it was my fault all along! She just wanted more of her mommy's attention, the good kind.

My darling friend Marina knocked on my door this morning and surprised me with some adorable hair bows for my girls. What a lovely surprise! And if this is another girl she will have plenty of cute things to choose from:).

Highs and Lows

Pregnancy is all about emotional highs and lows. Sometimes in the same minute. I adore my kids. Tati and i have been going on dates to dinner and see movies and it has been a blast. She is at such a fun age. Alilia is so dang smart. She sings her ABC's and counts in Spanish. Who is this kid? My hubby is a rock. I cried the other day after we had lunch together and he had to go back to work. I was feeling so sick and all I wanted was for him to come home and hold me. He felt so bad watching me driving away sobbing. I have been sick, sick, sick. At one point, in the hospital because it was so bad. I'm, oh 13/14 weeks along and not getting better! I haven't been to the OB doctor yet because we have no insurance but it is something I am working on. And although I haven't heard this precious baby's heart beat I know he/she is healthy and doing well. It may be a medical miracle but I already feel this kid moving around. Usually when one of the other kids are leaning their head against my belly I fell a little "rub" or a "push". Or if I am squatting down I feel that tickling sensation of the baby moving so fast around. Girl, or Boy I am very excited for this baby. However horrible, this pregnancy has been I truly want to fill our house with these brown eyed little people. As I finished that sentence Alilia fell off the couch, bonked her head, ran to me and as i am comforting her looked up into my face and... spit. Like I said, highs and lows.

If Only...

Honestly today I feel like packing up all our stuff, or just leaving it, and moving to Hawaii. I am so sick with morning sickness and I know the only thing that will make me feel better is ocean wind and salty water. I need to feel Hawaii. Today I am sick of being a homeowner, responsible bill payer, and I look around my house and realize I wouldn't be sad to leave all of this. I wish I could have my little girls run around the beach while George is surfing and I am floating weightlessly in the ocean. I swear life was so uncomplicated when I could wash it away in the ocean. I have gotten caught up in superficial things. I have received more posesions and it hasn't made me a better person. I told George that as soon as you get off the plane in Hawaii the air hits you and puts a smile on your face. I crave Hawaii.

We are having another Baby!

I'm about 7/8 weeks along which isn't very far I know. I am very excited though. I can't wait for our life to get bigger. I was feeling content with our two and then suddenly had an overwhelming feeling to have lots and lots of babies. I want to fill our home with laughter and yelling. I want big Sunday dinners with the family. I want lots and lots of grand babies. "Family" is a relative term with my parents and siblings and love is hard to find. I realized that my children bring me so much joy and if my hubby is willing we are going to have at least one (maybe more?) after this one. I won't say I hope it is a boy...I will just say I hope this is a healthy, safe pregnancy and the baby grows to full term. I can't wait for that day in the hospital that this little human is put in my arms and I realize the responsibility I have. The girls are so excited and keep kissing my belly and talking to the baby. Tati said the other day, "Mom, we need to go buy some binoculars right away!" Me:"why?" Tati:" So I can look in your belly and see the baby!" Well my pregnancy whiffer is kicking in and a poopie Alilia is sitting next to me so.........

Alilia

(no pics of her on this computer:( )

Firecracker. Spitfire. Hellion. Smartypants. Jokester. All perfect words to describe this little "Big" girl. As a new baby Alilia would only let Mommy hold her. She was quiet and observed eveything. I had no idea what personality was going to come out of this dark eyed serious child. But when it came, it really came! At twenty months she is so smart! She can communicate clearly in sentences, sing songs and tease with the best of them. She loves to hit and pinch (no idea where that came from??). She is a master at hide and go seek. She only tells u she loves you when she really means it. She reserves her kisses for when you deserve it. She loves to "wrestle" Tati and usually ends up the winner. Her smile is infectious and she loves to laugh. When I go into her room in morning she puts her palm in my face and says "I want Daddy". She doesn't like me to hold other babies because she gets very jealous. Which brings me to......

A few words about Tatiana. I am amazed how perfect this girl is! Truly, I hardly ever get mad at her because when I do I remember how wonderful she acts 99% of the time. She is constantly making strangers into her friends and asking if they can come over to our house. I'm talking kids, senior citizens, teenage boys and even sometimes dogs. She is an amazing big sister. She is patient with Alilia and loves to cuddle with her. She will not only share with her sister, she will give her the bigger or better piece. She thanks me all the time for "being her Mommy", and would love if she could just sit and cuddle me all day. Tatiana was such an easy baby and I keep waiting for her to get harder but it doesn't happen. I sure love her and am

I'm back....

Well 2010 was a very hard year. We moved, had a miscarriage, started school, got in a little over our heads, evaluated relationships and went through some pretty stressful stuff. We also realized that we needed to make some future goals and start working on them. We need to get to a better place financially and we laid out some steps that we would take in 2011. I plan to finish hair school this year on top of doing permanent cosmetics and eyelash extensions. George is going to start Salt Lake Community College this year. This is a major thing for him and I am so proud of him!

We have become better acquainted with our ward which has been a huge blessing for us. We have made some great friends and enjoy doing social stuff. It took us a while to feel like this was "home" but it is getting pretty close!

Our major goal this year was to take some family road trips. We completed our first one last weekend and it was a success! We stayed in St. George and went biking in Zions and then hung out in Vegas. George and I kept saying to each other that we need to do this more often because we truly had so much fun. Next stop.... Arizona!

My goal is start keeping a regular post on here. So stay tuned:)