In a sea of Chaos, I am a beacon of light

After an hour of crying and whining without any breaks, my little monster finally fell asleep in the car right before my crossing started. I could only roll my eyes and let out the biggest sigh of relief. In the silence, I pondered what I would be like as an "older" lady. Older meaning past 70. I decided more than likely I would be that lady with short, spiky, purple hair and Elvis Costello glasses, speeding past in my fuel economical Prius with a million bumper stickers on the back. Bumper stickers u say? Yes, like maybe twenty or more of them cluttering up my back bumper and window shouting out their option to all who read. More like pressing their option. I know you are thinking, "No, that can't be what you will be like Melissa that doesn't sound like you at all." OOOh but those who really know me know I am only a splitend away from being that old lady now. I have worked with enough elderly to know that they feel like they are never heard anymore. That their option doesn't count anymore. Well, I am telling you I won't go quietly! Here is what my bumper stickers will shout at you if you ever get the chance to read them

1.Parents who smoke around their kids should have their kids taken away. Drastic? no! If you can't keep from killing your own children with second hand smoke you are not responsible parent. My sweet grandma smoked all her life but it still doesn't change my option. We are educated now we know the horrible side effects.

2.It's a car seat stupid, use it! Buckle your kids up in the right attire. I just want to scream bloody murder when I see toddlers standing on a front seat as a van drives by me. If you love your child, buckle them up!

3.Smokers should burn in hell. Not Grandma! I get that the older generation didn't know it was so bad for everyone. They were all hooked by the time the studies came out. NO ONE else has an excuse. Why do I have to get second hand smoke every time I walk out of a business office? Why does my hair have to stink because of your stinky habit? Can't you find something more faster to bring you to a cancerous death?

4.God helps those who help themselves. I was listening to the radio reports that Rhianna has now married Chris Brown who two weeks ago punched, choked, and bite her and all I can think of is that you ask for it if you put yourself in the situation.

5.Save the world from ignorance, shoot a bigot. Really quite self explanatory.

6.If it's brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow. One of my favorite sayings of all time. I learned this was the rule when I stayed in Mexico one summer building preschools. It was a nasty habit to break once back in America.

7.Sometimes the only way to communicate clearly is with a good old fashioned ass whooping. OHH the many times this applies to people I meet throughout the day.

8.Your not as great as you think you are. Utah..oh Utah. Where the vainest people live. I still love you Utah.

9.If you cut me off and go slow...watch for bullets! These drivers aren't going to get any better. They need to be taken care of if you know what I mean.

10.Poof...be gone. My all time favorite saying as a kid. Let's bring it back! If someone is annoying you stick your hand up and let them know poof..be gone.

Yes, my back bumper and window will have a lot to say to all. This is only ten of the planned twenty that will proudly decorate my neon green prius. These are life lessons and common sense that I would like to impart to the world. Oh wait here is my last and most valid one:

11.Even if you went to BYU, you still don't know everything! I love BYU don't get me wrong..but you Zoobies don't have to always be so damn pompous and arrogant.