BBBBBut.... I am motivated to do better. I'm not going to keep the TV on all day for my kids. I'm going to clean one room a day. I will cook one fabulous meal a week. I will rock my husband's world at least two nights a week (seriously, I put that in here). I will prepare this baby boy's room who I so dearly want and can't wait to hold. We (joint effort) will organize our bills and figure out an additional source of income. I will figure out this whole insurance thing. I will spend quality one on one time with my creative, hilarious children. I will dedicate one night to sewing/crafting/movies/shopping pretty much me night. Most importantly, I will keep smiling.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Me...Better
I've got a confession. I've been doing something really bad lately. Comparing myself to others. And it has only made me feel really bad about myself. Let me explain. I love to read these amazing blogs I follow. These women are superheroes. They are amazing parents, take amazing photos, serve dinner to their husbands every night, have a house that is always clean and still find all the time in the world to create fabulous crafts and blog about it. I however, spend too much time reading their blogs, have a messy house, yell at my children and serve Mac and Cheese on a good night. But I bet these women are more like me than they like to admit. It is such a funny world being a woman, especially an LDS one. We place these standards on ourselves that are outrageous. We put a front up that every little thing in our world is perfect. I feel this pressure so much living in Utah, and a million times more living in Utah County. Own the perfect house, own a car that isn't older than 5 years, perfectly behaved children, world renown chef, all while looking like a super model. RRRRRRRRRRR.....wrong. I fall into this from time to time and I have to catch myself. I am a horrible housekeeper. I'm pretty good at cooking but the honest truth is I am way too exhausted and we are way too poor. I'm irritable and impatient, especially being pregnant. We have money problems. We don't have health insurance. We regret moving and feel stuck. We are scared about our unstable future. I have no motivation to go back to school and am thinking about dropping out for a year. Life is hard and I don't mind sharing that with people. I'm human.
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9 comments:
I love that you just say it how it is! That whole comparing thing in our society is the crappiest thing. What I hate most about it is that is goes against everything that we believe! One of the things I love most about where we live is how I feel here. I just love the down to earth people here. It scares me to move to be placed in a situation where everyone's just trying to keep up with the jones's. Really I don't get it. I love who you are an am so happy we're friends! I only wish we got to see you more!
P.s. the kids are super excited for Tati's party!!!!
Wow, I know how you feel. (I've always thouht that people who seem so perfect on their blogs are hiding something) Like you said, I am way to hard on myself too, and it is so frustrating. I'm trying to take small steps, like clean one room a day, keep the kids off the tv a little more, yada yada yada. I wish you luck with everything. I know we can do it!
Good for you. I gave up being perfect before I even started, I think. I do what I can, and I'm awesome. Most importantly, I am happier than I have ever been. You don't need to be Molly Mormon to make yourself and your family happy. I love your post.
I stopped reading blogs for this very same reason. It is ridiculous. And we feel 100% the same as you. We are stuck and wish we could move but are so upside down it's not funny. You may not be so glad, but I love having you here being my neighbor and we can laugh about all the funny things that happen! We are so happy you did move! Let me know if you need anything or want me to take the kids for a break!! Seriously.
I love it!!! You will rock all of those things. A little at a time girl. I'm glad you can see that you dont have to beat yourself up to accomplish any of those things. I hate that "status quo" that so many of us Utah women try to reach. It's ridiculous and the sooner you figure that out, the happier you will be. Sadly I used to be one of those women and gladly I'm not anymore. So many things that used to be important, just aren't anymore. Our family is number one and spending time with them will make memories for them that will last a lifetime. I think you are one hot diggity mama and you are beautiful and I LOVE your precious little Tatiana and your husband is lucky to have you!!!! Remember that!!
Thanks for being so honest. It helps to know other women feel this way! You are an amazing woman and I dont even know you personally...just through blogging. Thanks for the motivation to do my best. Thats all we can do.
Ditto to everything you said. Every time I spend a couple hours online catching up on other people's blogs or FB, I feel like a total loser. I compare myself to others all the time and it ruins my self-esteem. I've even considered going on an internet fast because of it! lol. But to be honest, no matter where you go, whether it be Utah county or a completely different state, it is the same. I think Mormons are just like that for some reason. I mean, the insatiable need to be "perfect." Fear of being judged, perhaps? I don't know the reason. But I hope you know I love to read your blog. Not because you have your so-called problems, but because you are REAL. You aren't afraid to admit your flaws and shortcomings. I feel like I can relate to you and I don't feel like I have to compete with you or something. I hope that makes sense. You are awesome! Stick with your goals by doing a little here and there and do what is best for you. I had to laugh about the 2 nights a week thing. During pregnancy I'd rather just be celibate... lol. Good luck with everything! Much love!
Jamie
P.S. That last comment was from me. I didn't realize I was logged into Mike's account! Sorry.
Girl, we all feel like that. Sometimes we just need to check ourselves back into reality and know that the life we are trying to copy might only be glamorous on the outside but behind closed doors it's way different! Be who you are! At least you know that you need to work on things (like we all do)! That's the first step in any change! For me, I want so much, but I have to check myself and say...wait a minute...who cares if I have it or not...that person I glamorize is not paying my bills or raising my family...MY HUSBAND AND I ARE!! That is all that matters! You keep being you sis! 'Ofa atu!
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