Pity, Party of 1 PLEASE LEAVE

These past four/five months have been among the hardest in my life. I have had a super hard time just getting through the days. We bought a house/ lost most of our friends, bills piled in, had a disaster with Alilia's birthday and have moved into a new ward which I have had a hard time acclimating to. I feel like most of our good friends "broke up with us" when we moved south. "It's not u, it's me" translates into "out of sight, out of mind". I won't even touch on the whole Alilia disaster because it brings tears just thinking about it. I have had such a hard time with this new ward. The older I get, the harder it is to put myself out there again on the friendship market. And when you have a husband who likes to be the prom king he can over shadow even a very, strong personality like mine. I hate being known as George's wife. I feel I have some value beyond that.
I have decided to be done wallowing. No one is going to come to my rescue but me. So my goal is to make a true effort to make some friends in this new ward. Lauren, thanks for being my friend already! I am going to loose myself in service. Our bishop gave this lesson on welfare and he started it by quoting a scripture that says, " And they lived in the manner of happiness". I am going to live in the manner of happiness because it is a decision. I am going to quite focusing on my issues and start helping others. I am changing this negative attitude into a positive one if it kills me! I am going to have a conversation with at least two new people a week at church. I am going to do two acts of service a week. And I am going to be happy damn it! So go me!

Happy Pioneer Day

Racing to the mall; screaming one year old that I just keep shoving suckers too; three year old won't stop grabbing everything and trying it on; spilling orange Julius all over pacsun's floor; Hot Topic guy denying to help me because I don't look like his typical customer; leaving mall feeling very defeated and not even getting what I needed; racing home; being tailgated by a grandma with not one, but three scooby doos hanging from her rear view mirror, George calling to say they won their Rugby game and now in semi finals till 10 pm, getting home stripping all my clothes off the work buck naked for one hour, one more holiday without firecrackers or bbqs.....I'M READY FOR BED!

I should clarify I am taking calls for a non profit charity for work. Nothing scandalous...but I can be naked and no one knows!

Lately

Have you ever gone through something where you just NEED to do something crazy? Life has gotten so repettitive and boring that u need to feel alive again? I am so going through this. I can take a step back and see how grateful I should be but I can't pull myself out of this rut. I have started a new job which is honestly great and an answer to our prayers. I love school and I know I am really good at it. My kids are adorable and so funny. But I'm going crazy. I feel like having a whole Britney Sprears episode and shaving my head. I'm not sure how to get out of this.....?

Today

It is impossible to get a good picture of this little monkey!!!

US

six new teeth (Alilia), crawling and standing (Alilia), third birthday(Tati), third birthday parties(Tati), Hair, hair and more hair(Mel), Work, work and more work (George), 2nd counselor in Elder Quorum (George), Nursery Cordinator (Mel), Side swiped new car (Mel), internet (NONE), BUSY, BUSY, BUSY (ALL).

pretend update

Well friends we are in our new house and it is bliss! We do not have internet until next week so the official post will come then. In the meantime we have, started hair school, bought a car, received two tickets, caused a three car pile up, had a miscarriage (don't feel sad for me...this was so not the right time and I have an IUD in so it was complex) and so much more. Life is in lightning speed right now. I am a little afraid of what is going to happen next... All in all we are pretty great and overwhelmingly grateful!

The end of a chapter in my life

Today was my last day working as a crossing guard for Crestview Elementary and it did not come without tears. I have grown to love these kids so much! Everyday, as I would drive to work I would think, I am so lucky to have this job. The kids say the nicest things to me and today was filled with hugs and even a few tears from them. I brought candy for them and sadly told them that they would have a new crossing guard. They all wanted to know where I was moving to and if it was close. Lots of them told me I was their favorite. It is so sad looking at those little faces and pretty much letting them know I may never see them again. I have watched kids graduate to junior high, younger siblings start kindergarten, braces, glasses, being beat up by bullies, kids passing out, kids scared and running to me for safety, being sick, falls, telling them not to swear, new bikes and so much more. I also have so many "waver friends" who never fail to wave to me from their car as they pass by. I can tell the time by what kids and cars have passed by. There are two boys that I just love that are brothers. I know their home life is pretty rocky and when I first met them they were trying so hard to act tough. I kept thinking what makes an elementary kid think he has to be perceived as tough? I would compliment them on something everyday and tell them to have a great day at school. Pretty soon I was hearing about girlfriends, new clothes and what they were doing each weekend. As I said goodbye to them today they were very quiet and I saw both of their eyes water up. I thought what if I am the only one who wishes them a good day every morning? Who will do it now? I just cried thinking I won't know how these kid's lives turn out. I am so grateful for the opportunity to know each one of them.
When I was in second grade I had a school yard duty named "Rocky". He was an elderly man and he always had candy in his pockets for me. My friends and I would race out to him and sometimes spend the entire recess listening about his wife or stories from when he was young. He was the grandpa I never had. I remember his hands were wrinkly and stubby and he had lost almost all his hair but his hug was the softest thing ever and he always made me feel special. I know this is a little melo dramatic for being the person who crosses the kids across the street but I hope I left a little "Rockiness" with them. Most of all I hope they know I cared.

P.S. I am going to be a home owner in less than two hours. Can I hear a WOO WOO?